Lizzie and the Bee

Elder James E. Talmage is the author of the tome, “Jesus The Christ” and has inspired many with his thorough study of the life and teachings of our Savior. One of his lesser known works however has been on my mind recently. 

In The Parable of the Unwise Bee, Elder Talmage shares that he often left his window open during the summer while he worked on his various books. One day, a pleasant bee flew in and spent some time exploring the room; Elder Talmage was delighted to have this little guest. When it was time to leave, however, the human occupant tried to encourage this little insect to fly to freedom. The bee bristled. Not understanding that Elder Talmage was actually trying to help it, the bee felt threatened and stung it’s would be rescuer. 

A few days later, Elder Talmage came back to his office and found the dried up body of this little bee. 

The bee didn’t know that Elder Talmage was trying to save it. It didn’t know what Elder Talmage knew. It couldn’t understand what he was trying to do. It’s myopic vision prevented it from receiving help. 

I’ve thought a lot about this parable in my life, especially since becoming a dad. We have a two year old daughter, Lizzie. When she was first born her bilirubin levels were too high which made her skin turn a shade of yellow. Though only a few days old, we had to take her back to the hospital to get her blood drawn to test those levels. However, the blood pressure in a baby isn’t very good, so they had to prick her heel and squeeze her skin to get the blood to fill up their tube.

Our sweet, innocent, 3-day old little girl was in pain. One of us had to hold her upper body down while the other one of us held her leg still for the nurse. I almost cried as I saw my baby screaming in pain. But I couldn’t explain to her that it was for her good. She didn’t know what I knew.

Recently, not for the first time, I put Lizzie’s clothes on the wrong way. She loved the dress she was in, so when I came and tried to tell her we had it on backwards and we needed to take it off, she made a run for the door. However, I am faster than an 18 month old. Though full of screaming and wiggling, I helped Lizzie turn her dress around. She didn’t know it was on backwards; she didn’t know what I knew.

When we take Lizzie to get her vaccines, she doesn’t know what’s coming until she sees the shots. Now she recognizes them. As we hold her and she feels the pinching in her legs, she probably feels a little betrayed by us. Maybe she’s thinking, “What are you doing!? This HURTS! Mama, Dada, make it stop! PLEASE, I can’t take this anymore. Why are you doing this to me?” I wish I could tell her. I wish she could understand. 

In my own life, I have been like the bee and like Lizzie. I haven’t understood what God was doing. I have asked “why me?” I have tried to pray with faith for miracles that never materialized. I have been confused by how some things unfolded in my life.

I know that not everything that happens to us in this life is because God makes it happen, sometimes He just allows things to happen. And I have no idea why He lets some of the things happen in our lives that really hurt us or others.  But I’m trying to learn to trust God more. I don’t know what He knows. I can’t see what He sees. I can’t understand all that He understands.

President Uchtdorf taught: "I think God knows something we don't--things that are beyond our capacity to comprehend! Our Father in Heaven is an eternal being whose experience, wisdom, and intelligence are infinitely greater than ours."

Isaiah 55:8-“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.”

I know that God loves us. I know that God loves Lizzie more than I do. If my feelings for Lizzie are even in the same ballpark as God’s for her, then I know more about God than I ever did before I was a dad. I know that He wants to help us. I know that He has a bigger plan for us than we can imagine.

One day Lizzie will understand why we did what we did. One day we will understand why God does what He does, or allows what He allows. Just like it’s ok that Lizzie doesn’t know the reason for it all, I believe it’s ok that we don’t know the reason for it all either. We’re in good hands. Christ is for us, and "he doeth not anything save it be for the befit of the world; for he loveth the world, even that he layeth down his own life that he may draw all men unto him." (2 Nephi 26:24)

Leaving Seminary

My wife (Chanel) and I have lived in Sierra Vista for almost 2 years. I have been the seminary teacher down here and I have loved it. I love my students will all of my heart. God has given me charity for them and I really do love them. The hardest thing about leaving S&I is leaving these students. They have brought me so much happiness; I will always be grateful to God that He let us come down to Sierra Vista.

I'd always dreamed of being a seminary teacher and once I got the job I thought I was going to die a seminary teacher. But now I believe God has a different plan for me.

Last March (2014), Chanel and I went with my parents back to Nauvoo. We went and visited my grandpa and step-grandma who were serving a mission in the Nauvoo temple. My step-grandma, Susan Easton Black, is a famous church historian, so while we were in Nauvoo she showed us all of the sights. We were only there a couple of days but before we left Susan and my grandpa started asking me if I'd ever thought of doing something other than seminary. I told them that I hadn't. So we started talking about becoming a professor, and I started envisioning myself becoming like Susan. The day before we left my grandpa gave me a blessing; it was one of the most powerful and spiritual moments of my life. Gratefully, Susan wrote down what my grandpa said and she sent me her notes. What a tender mercy that has been.

As we arrived back in Arizona, my mind wouldn't stop racing. I couldn't get the idea of pursuing a new career out of my head. For months I studied for the GRE and looked up Graduate schools. I researched and wrote a 25 page paper just so I could apply to grad programs. I just couldn't shake the feeling that I was supposed to do something different with my life. As my dad and I talked over the summer, he brought up the story told by Elder Holland entitled "Wrong Roads." I felt that God had let me become a seminary teacher because I had wanted it so badly, but I felt like He was now telling me that I'd gone down the wrong road for me. I loved my job and I loved teaching the students, but I felt there was something else I was supposed to do.

Then General Conference happened in October. I went in with the question "Is it right or good for me to pursue a new career?" On Sunday afternoon, I felt that my prayer was answered straight from heaven. I felt that God was speaking directly to me through Elder Carlos Godoy. Here are some quotes from his talk:

At the end of the 1980s, our young family was made up of my wife, Mônica, two of our four children, and me. We lived in São Paulo, Brazil, I worked for a good company, I had finished my university studies, and I had recently been released as bishop of the ward where we had lived. Life was good, and everything seemed to be as it should be—until one day an old friend came to visit us.

At the conclusion of his visit, he made a comment and asked a question that unsettled my convictions. He said, “Carlos, everything seems to be going well for you, your family, your career, and your service in the Church, but—” and then came the question, “if you continue to live as you are living, will the blessings promised in your patriarchal blessing be fulfilled?”

After his visit, I turned my attention to my patriarchal blessing, wondering, “If we continue to live as we are living, will the promised blessings be fulfilled?” After some pondering, I had the feeling that some changes were necessary, particularly in relation to my education and profession.

It was not a decision between what was right and wrong but between what was good and what was better, as Elder Dallin H. Oaks taught us when he said: “As we consider various choices, we should remember that it is not enough that something is good. Other choices are better, and still others are best” (“Good, Better, Best,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2007, 104–5). (Elder Carlos Godoy, "The Lord Has a Plan For Us!" October 2014 General Conference-Read or watch the talk here)

I started to cry as I listened to this talk. I felt that if I had gone to any of the Brethren in Salt Lake City and asked my question "Is it right or good for me to pursue a new career?" no one could have answered my question better. I felt exactly like Elder Godoy. There were things in my patriarchal blessing and in the blessing I received from my grandfather that I just couldn't see being fulfilled if I stayed with Seminary. This decision wasn't between something good or bad, but between something better and best.

This talk gave me the confidence to keep moving forward. With time we started thinking about what we'd do if graduate school didn't work out. I've always found finance interesting, and so I started asking friends who were in that career how they liked it. My interest in this field started to grow rapidly and I started to seriously consider it as another option. Eventually I ended up talking with a member of my stake presidency, President Landon Spilsbury. He works for Edward Jones.

As I met with Landon over a period of a couple of weeks I felt good about pursuing a career with Edward Jones. I prayed and fasted about it for months. My wife did the same, and as the time arrived when Edward Jones offered us a job, we decided to take it. I prayed right after they offered me the job and I felt the Spirit tell me that this was a good thing for us to pursue. I had felt that before while praying about Edward Jones. When I got home and told Chanel we prayed about it and I prayed about it individually again and each time I did, I felt God's confirming answer. I truly believe this is what God wants us to do at this time in our lives. I will still continue to pursue my interests in Church History, but I will do so as a hobby instead of as a career.

It will not be easy for us. I love teaching seminary and I love these students. If I didn't, this decision would be a lot easier; my amazing students are making this decision so hard for us. But I know that doing the right thing is not always easy; in fact, it's often harder than doing the wrong thing. I don't know what our future holds, but I do believe that this step is one that God supports us in and wants us to make. I'm grateful that God let's us make our own decisions, but I'm more grateful for the peace and confirmation He gives us after we do so.

So as this school year comes to an end, we are saying goodbye to seminary teaching and Sierra Vista. We have loved our time down here. I have loved living my dream of being a seminary teacher. Most of all, I have loved teaching my incredible students about Jesus Christ. It's only through His grace that I can do hard things in this life. He has supported me through tough decisions before, and I know He will be with us as we make this difficult decision. We trust God and know that He sees more than we can. Right now we're just trying to act on the light we've received and trust that He will keep guiding us to whatever future He has prepared for us.

We love Sierra Vista and will miss all of the students and all of our friends we've made while living here. We will always thank God that He sent us here. God truly has been so good to us.

We're all just walking each other home

I was in Utah this past week attending the wedding of one of my best friends and spending time with family. This trip really made me feel like a kid again-no mortgage payments, utility bills, or grocery shopping. I was thoughtful enough to leave that all to my 8 month pregnant wife.  I grew up in Utah. Yet not only did I grow up in the bubble of Utah county, I grew up in Northern Utah County--the bubble within a bubble. Many of you who read this probably know exactly what I mean. Sure there were still temptations and opportunities to sin, but let's be honest--when 90+% of your high school peers are Mormon, you're living in a bubble.

This past year I moved to Arizona with my first wife (Jim Gaffigan anyone?) to become a seminary teacher in Sierra Vista, AZ. Where? Exactly. Just spin your mental globe until you find Mexico. Then look up a nanometer and you'll find Sierra Vista. It's been great to and for us. We survived the first year outside of Utah (whew) and even did it without food storage. However, I'm a seminary teacher. That means that even though I live in Arizona now, I'm still in my own occupational bubble. I get to peruse the scriptures all day long, gambol (not gamble) around my solitary office without my shoes on, and even listen to Pandora for all 8 hours of the day.  There is more to this than being a seminary teacher, but since most people think that's all that seminary teachers do during the summer, I will keep that idea rolling. So you see, my life is kinda unique and I will be the first to admit that I've lived (and still do live) a pretty sheltered life.

So why am I writing a blog? I'm not entirely sure. I've never felt like my life was all that interesting or that people would ever read anything I'd have to say. And maybe they won't. But I can't get the idea out of my head, so I'll give it a whirl and see how it goes. If nothing else, it will be good to unload some of my thoughts. So pardon the thought vomit from time to time. This first post is religious in nature; a few in the near future will probably be religious in nature too. However, not all of my posts will be so theological. My wife is having a baby in a month, so I'm sure there will be plenty to write about that. We'll see where we go from here. For this post, my purpose is to make it clear (to whoever cares-and maybe you care a little bit if you're still reading this) where I stand on certain social and religious issues.

As I started out, I just got back from visiting Utah for a week and a half. One night as my parents and I were driving home from dinner, my dad mentioned a quote he had seen on Facebook that said: "We're all just walking each other home." At first that didn't seem that interesting to me; but as I've reflected on that and other nascent thoughts over the last few weeks, I feel impressed to share some of my developing thoughts.

I'm a Mormon. You probably knew that. There have been some hot topics recently on social media in regards to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. You probably knew that too.  Many of my friends on Facebook post comments or links regarding the two biggest issues facing the LDS Church today--same-sex marriage and the role of women in the church, specifically when it comes to ordaining women to the Priesthood. Seeing as I'm a seminary teacher and am (I think) quite conservative in my views, you can probably also guess that I am against both of these movements. Stated clearly: I do not think that same-sex marriage is right in God's eyes nor do I think that women should be ordained to the Priesthood.

If your blood is starting to boil and you're about to scroll down and leave a diatribe below because I'm a bigot and closed minded and a chauvinist...hold on for two seconds. Please resist the impulse as best you can. We all have opinions, and we all think we're right. That's the paradox and the problem. That is part of the reason I have never commented on any of the links or threads that I've seen on Facebook; because it just leads to arguments. It can be a catalyst to lost friendships and only exacerbates the hard feelings between the two parties.

Before I get any further in this first blog post, I need to make something very clear. I know some who may read this post will have differing views and that is okay. But Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the quorum of the 12 Apostles said my thoughts perfectly:

"I suggest that it may be preferable for our young people to refrain from arguing with their associates...They will often be better off to respond by identifying the worldly premises or assumptions in the assertions they face and then by identifying the different assumptions or premises that guide the thinking of Latter-day Saints. This won’t elicit agreement from persons who don’t share our faith, but it can move the discussion away from arguing over conclusions to identifying the real source of disagreement." (As He Thinketh in His Heart, talk given to seminary and institute teachers, February 2013).

My assumptions may be different than yours. A few examples to explain what I mean: 1) I believe that we lived with God before this life, and I believe we have the chance to live with Him again after this life. Because I believe this, my views may very well differ from someone who doesn't believe in a life before or after this life. 2) I believe the Old Testament, New Testament, Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, and the Pearl of Great Price are all scripture. Therefore I will quote from all of these. 3) I believe that God speaks to His prophet today and that Jesus is very involved in the dealings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints because I believe it is His Church. Those are just a few assumptions that I have that may differ from yours. So instead of us always arguing, I hope we'll realize that the reason we may not see eye to eye is because we fundamentally have different beliefs. I have a feeling that this might be a point to be brought up again, but for now, please understand that we may come from different places, and we need to understand where we're coming from in order to understand each other.

My hope is that when I post about religious or social topics on this blog, I can share my thoughts in a de-escalated setting and separate myself from the passions and emotions that sometimes arise when I read things online. If you do leave a comment, please try to do the same. I know there will be many that will differ from the views that I have, and that is okay. But please understand my intention is not to try to 'convince' anyone that I'm right and they're wrong. Indeed the Apostle Paul teaches "I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase. So then neither is he that planteth any thing, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase" (1 Cor. 3:6-7).  If there is any enlightenment to be found on this blog, it will be only if I write by the Spirit and if it is received by the Spirit. (Doctrine and Covenants 50:17-23) God will do the enlightening, wherever it is needed. If I need it, I hope I'll learn that quickly. If someone else needs it, I'll leave it to God to tell them.

Additionally, my intention is not to club anyone over the head with my personal views or doctrines of the LDS Church. However, I will stand up for what I believe and share my thoughts in a forum of love and understanding; of truth and directness; of humility and learning.  I firmly agree with what President James E. Faust (former 2nd counselor in the 1st presidency of the LDS Church) once said: “When there is contention, the Spirit of the Lord will depart, regardless of who is at fault” (“What I Want My Son to Know before He Leaves on His Mission,” Ensign, May 1996, 41).  So lets leave the contention to Facebook and the antipathy to Satan. Most of us worship the same God. We can love each other like Christ does, instead of bickering and condemning. Remember again what Paul said, and the prophet Mormon echoes in the Book of Mormon: "Charity is kind" and "is not easily provoked" (1 Cor 13:4-5; Moroni 7:45)

I believe that Christ was honest. I do not think He softened His truths. I do not think that Christ advocated sin. I do believe that Christ loved everyone completely, perfectly, and without condition. I believe that Christ loved the Pharisees as much as His disciples. I believe that Jesus died for everyone, not just the righteous. I believe that Christ will never love us any less, no matter what we do. Yet I do not believe that love is a synonym for acceptance or tolerance. I believe that when we love others, we are concerned enough about them to correct them. Yet who am I, as a flawed and imperfect man, to correct others? I have my own battles and my own sins, so why don't I just sit back and let others do what they want? Because Christ wouldn't. I am not Christ, (you already knew that), nor do I claim to be perfect like him. But in my study of the Old and New Testaments, the Book of Mormon, and Doctrine and Covenants, I see a Christ who loves us enough to correct us. I see a Christ who says "Come Follow Me" (Matthew 16:24) and invites us to become like Him (3 Nephi 12:48, Matthew 5:48). I do not see a Christ that sugar coats the truth. I do not see a Christ that wants people do what they want and then accepts them as they are. I see a just Christ, and a merciful One too. I see a Christ who voices His truths with confidence. I see a Christ who can be silent when He deems necessary. I see a Christ who offers us transformation, not stagnation. He offers us His gospel-His commandments included-so that we can know how to become like Him. This life is not a life to do what we want and trust that He still loves us. It is to do what He wants and know that because He loves us, we can trust Him.

Trust. That's an important word in life. I believe it's a very important word when it comes to the two topics I mentioned above. I love the title of Stephen Robinson's book "Believing Christ." I think many who read this post (if there are many, if it's just my parents that actually read it, then, "Hi mom and dad!") would say that they believe in Christ. But it is something a little different to believe Christ. To believe Him when he says "I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me" (John 14:6), to believe Him when he says "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Matt 11:28). To believe Him when he says "Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God" (John 3:5), to believe Him when he says "And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent" (John 17:3), to believe Him when he says "Mine eyes are upon you.  I am in your midst and ye cannot see me; But the day soon cometh that ye shall see me, and know that I am; for the veil of darkness shall soon be rent, and he that is not purified shall not abide the day" (Doctrine & Covenants 38:7-8) and to believe Him when He says "Behold, I am Jesus Christ, whom the prophets testified shall come into the world.  And Behold, I am the light and the life of the world; and I have drunk out of that bitter cup which the Father hath given me, and have glorified the Father in taking upon me the sins of the world, in the which I have suffered the will of the Father in all things from the beginning" (3 Nephi 11:10-11).  I think that this world, myself included, needs to trust Jesus a little bit more.

So that's where I'll leave it for now. This is already long enough. I feel that there are many loud voices out there who oppose what I believe. I want to be a voice of support for those who believe like I do; I want my voice to be heard. My intent is to address those specific topics (the two
mentioned near the beginning) over the next couple of weeks when my thoughts are a little more cogent. But for this first blog post I just wanted to set the stage (not every post will be religious in nature however) to let you see that I believe in Jesus Christ, and I believe Jesus Christ. To let you know what I believe and who I believe Christ is. Jesus is the center of my life. He is my Savior. I am saved because of Him. I am nothing without Him. So are you. And yet with Him, we are something. Something great. Something beautiful. Something eternal.

No matter what we believe or what we choose, Christ's love is there. "For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:38-39).  He is the only begotten Son of our Great God. We are all siblings-children of God. I hope that we will each remember to walk each other home. Like my nephews in this picture, we're all just walking each other home. There is no need for hate, or anger, or pejorative words. We can help each other. We can love each other, no matter how we differ. And we can stand up for what we believe at the same time. Satan is already doing a good enough job at dragging us as humans down; there's no need to join him in pulling others down too. Instead, we can be unified in Christ and firm in His doctrine. He has made it possible for us to walk back home. And because of His great love, He let's us be a part of this; He allows us to walk each other back home too.